@hpb777: I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
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@WheelTod: I'm the outdoorsy type. I hate being chained to a desk all day, but management say they have no choice until I stop biting my coworkers.
@trevso_electric: Gum commercials exaggerate your odds of kissing a complete stranger in public by 780,000,000%
@thenatewolf: “Tell me the truth, am I out of touch with the common man?” I ask. “Maybe a little,” says my butler. I scoff, but my mouth is so full of aged tawny port that I start coughing and almost choke. He pats me on the back a few times. “Don’t touch me without your gloves,” I wheeze.