@hpb777: I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
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@ayyyyloser: Someone just called for cleanup in the dairy aisle but I'm the only one here so I dropped the jug of milk I was holding and ran
@juliussharpe: If Apple has taught me anything, it's wait to see the "Steve Jobs" movie until they release a second version.
@TheTweetOfGod: Your overexposure to Korean pop music last year will be nothing compared to your overexposure to Korean nuclear radiation this year.
@patnspankme: I haven't been this confused about what's going on since The Cranberries yodeled that one song about zombies.