@hpb777: I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
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@iwearaonesie: *wife wonders where I am* *hears every musical snowman in the store start singing* *knows where I am*
@le_buns: *reheats leftovers from yesterday's dinner date* *takes bite* *waiter from last night knocks on window* "how's everything tasting folks"
@adamallday: About to finish my second book of the day! And when I say book, I really mean magazine. And when I say magazine, I really mean pizza.
@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.