@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.
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@MoistPork: "He's a jerk. I'm over him anyway. (5 minutes later) Ooh, he texted! I want to have his babies!" -Women
@juliussharpe: Dating is good practice for parenting because you learn not to care when someone is crying in a restaurant.
@AaronFullerton: "Honey, remember our first date?" "Awh, are you planning something for Valentine's?" "No, I forgot my password. It's the security question."
@thepunningman: [first date] "What's wrong?" I don't like the ambulance in this place [sniggering] "You mean ambience" [next table] NEE NAW NEE NAW WOOOOOO