@thedayofthedot: i hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore. facebook friends suck.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: Can I have some Oreos? Me: You have the flu. 6: I’m sick, not dead.
@KevinHart4real: Nothing worse than taking a run and then having to take a shit when your a mile & a half away from ur bathroom. I almost shitted in a bush
@kayleighpuget: "Am I the only one who-?" There are over 7 billion people on earth. No. No you're not the only one.