@Sean_Burgundy_: I hate it when you tell someone that you'll always be there for them and then they call you to help move
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@shhrugg: If I was hanging off a cliff for my life and you told me to take your hand I would stop screaming to tell you I'm afraid of intimacy
@hamspamtymaam: If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they've been drinking in order to establish dominance.
@onelongbender: Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn't always talking about the liquor.