@Sean_Burgundy_: I hate it when you tell someone that you'll always be there for them and then they call you to help move
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@aveuaskew: My dad only says I love you on special occasions like birthdays, holidays, and competency hearings.
@Mimiification: When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT.
@Try2StopME: I'm going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
@brunopieroni: I left my Kindle on the train. This would have never happened if I was carrying 8 bookshelves full of books with me like in the old days.