@mattZillaaaa: I hate long distance relationships so I'm moving the fridge to my bedroom.
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@nbadag: REPORTER: you say you spotted the missing hikers somewhere in these woods CLEARLY A BEAR IN A FLANNEL & AVIATORS: [right on mic] briefly yes
@MitchBenn: We HAVE to stop North Korea! They're led by a pampered, delusional, vengeful fat rich guy with stupid hair and access to nuclear weap- oh.
@RawspberryJamb: "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours" - Inventors of boomerangs
@generaldietz: Baby Soldier: Ma'am. Your husband is MIA. Soldiers wife: *covers crying face with hands* Baby Soldier: Oh great! Now his wife is MIA too.