@mattZillaaaa: I hate long distance relationships so I'm moving the fridge to my bedroom.
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@curlymalloy: I helped a little old lady at the market today.. She was too short to grab a box of cereal from the top shelf, so I stood on her shoulders!
@MarlonBrandNO: Me: I have Schrödinger like reflexes "Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?" Me: Yes and No.
@Home_Halfway: Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
@slimmy_shady: Honest ads - 'Hot singles in your area want to be just friends'. 'Hot singles in your area think of you more like a brother'.