@JimmerThatisAll: I hate restaurants where they won't let you bring your own mariachi band.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Someone cut my 6-year-old's hair She says she didn't do it Be on the lookout for a mysterious hair-cutting bandit who looks just like her
@MissNaughty1801: Him:I'm not going to use this taxi company again. They nearly killed me this morning Me:don't be so hasty darling...give them another chance
@HomeProbably: The last time I was this drunk and covered in glitter, it had nothing to do with Christmas.