@zachreinert03: I hate "save the date" engagement cards. After divorce you should have to send out "hey forget about that one date 6 months ago" cards
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@PopSlapFunk: Dudes that only Retweet chicks: Your mom just called. Down to the basement. Come upstairs. Your dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets are ready.
@ifuseekamynow: I want to follow you back, really, I do. But the hash tags. My god the hash tags.