@sageboggs: I hate self-promotional people. They're so into themselves they probably don't even realize I have a new album available on iTunes now
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@POTerritory: Him: You put feathers of a crow in this drink? Me: Yes, I made sure they all came from 1 crow. It's... Him: Please don't. Me: ...single molt
@AdamWeinstein: "WE HERE AT BIG PHARMA RECOGNIZE THAT WHEN YOU'RE DEPENDENT ON ADDICTIVE OPIOID PAINKILLERS YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM IS YOU CAN'T POOP"
@mkpaulsen: I asked my friend if he wanted a drink and he said to surprise him so I brought back a side salad.