@claudiaa_haleyy: I hate that "You know what to do" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad.
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@ComedicBust: *Blind Date* Her: Ask me anything.. Me: Do you know how to properly layer nachos? Her: Are you seri.. Me: *flips table*
@Jubafisher: If you're having a rough day, remember there are people out there with their ex's names tattooed on them.
@tastefactory: Hey Law & Order, please stop throwing around the word semen all willy-nilly, I'm trying to watch this with my mom
@dshack8: You don't know shit about pressure until you're the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you.