@claudiaa_haleyy: I hate that "You know what to do" voicemail greeting, because if a recently unfrozen caveman calls, I bet that makes him feel pretty bad.
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@ch000ch: 9-1-1 what's ur emergency "well i guess it's that one of my friends changed all of my contacts' phone numbers to 9-1-1."
@fuzzlime: I like how the dude in the next self-checkout lane is trying to disarm me with small talk like we don't both know this is a goddamn race
@TheMichaelRock: Why did you have to take a half naked picture in front of a full length mirror to show off your new haircut?
@showersthinker: Watching Jeopardy backwards would be about a panel of 3 people asking Alex Trebek questions that he always gets right.