@topaz006: I hate waiting in line. I wish this guy would hurry up and pick a suspect.
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@AmishPornStar1: Maybe I misheard him... But I think God just told me to start building a really big goat.
@JessObsess: [drunk text] God I miss you so much. Why can't we go back to how things were? OBAMA: How did you get this number?
@jordan_stratton: Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.
@illuminatedwndr: I think global warming is real because you hardly see The Penguin on episodes of Batman anymore