@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it
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@therealeatwood: “Errors in pronunciation eventually become part of the language if used widely enough over a long period of time” — linguists, supposably
@joeljeffrey: My dad shouted "shut up idiots" to the cats. I told him "You're speaking English to a cat. You're the idiot. You have to meow at them."
@DrunksWithGuns: If I could make water into wine, I'd probably stumble out of a cave 3 days later too.