@mattingebretson: I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it
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@4ndBest: Girl dog: I'm into bad boys Guy dog: [remembering his owner saying how much of a good boy he is] ..oh
@Book_Krazy: I call bullshit on vampires that look all sexy and shit when they can't even see their reflection
@timdonakowski: Naming your child “Roger” is fine, until you have to tell someone about it over a two-way radio.
@GrantTanaka: Went to an Air & Space museum today, nothing was in there. I asked "So what's the exhibit?" & the guy was like "You're breathing it, man."