@jlock17: I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
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@Abusitron: [leaving 5 minute voicemail] ...and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*
@LLCoolJeffrey: Hobbies include: 1. Crying about the past 2. Procrastinating in the present 3. Worrying about the future
@rickygervais: Trump worked his way up from nothing. He's going to give every American the same 1 million dollars he started with. That's all you need.