@jlock17: I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I'm down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
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@darkmatter_wimp: Satan: "I'm gonna put letters in mathematics. Lol!" God: "I'm gonna make them all kill each other because of me." Satan: "Dude..."
@IamEveryDayPpl: Me: "I need big girl clothes." Him: "You haven't gained that much." Me: "I meant adult clothes for work." Him: "Does the couch pull out?"
@Amburglar_: "Wow! Go show your mommy!" -what I say to any child talking to me for more than 11 seconds.