@caseytduncan: I hate when friends send me home with leftovers in plastic containers. "Here, you throw this food away and then clean the containers."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@edgarrants: The best part of being old for the holidays? Nobody bats an eye when you 'randomly fall asleep' in the middle of a conversation.
@Bob_Heller: Sorry I borrowed your pen and performed that emergency tracheotomy that turned out not to be an emergency. And sorry about your neck hole.
@mjkspeaks: [call] MOM: please be safe in the snowstorm. ME: idgaf about snow i'm a gangster. MOM: what? ME: i said thanks for calling i love you.