@SlabBaconBP: I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I'm biologically driven to want to reproduce with you & I'm temporarily delusional"
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@MandiAtRandom: Might be time to get in shape. Halfway up these stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
@TheMichaelRock: If you draw a picture of a butthole on the questionnaire, there's a 95% chance you'll get out of jury duty. Would be 100%. But, Texas.
@JediGigi: Me: I don't feel well Mom: Did you eat the plastic fruit again, Gigi? Me: No Mom: ... Me: ... Mom: ... Me: *throws up plastic banana*