@MartaEffing: I hate when I catch a bouquet at a wedding and everyone judges me for lighting it on fire.
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@Jenny4ashley: Romeo and Juliet is my favorite story about how when you fall in love, it's best to just kill yourself.
@KrunkedRobot: Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station's phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
@SteveKoehler22: No matter how spicy your sex life is ... If he's a two-thymer; cumin in that ginger Rosemary, my sage advice ... would bay to leaf him.