@MartaEffing: I hate when I catch a bouquet at a wedding and everyone judges me for lighting it on fire.
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@rhysjamesy: Bae: come over Me: I can't, I'm hanging out with your parents. Bae: my parents aren't home. Me: I know. I just... You never listen Susan.
@YourTextSpoken: I think it's lame how Justin Bieber has millions of Beliebers yet Queen Latifah only has like 8 Beliefahs.
@briangaar: Superpower: giving evildoers the hiccups, then on day 23, you throw them off a building but by that point they're just sobbing "thank you"
@rolldiggity: I never feel guilty about eating baby carrots because it's not like adult carrots are doing anything great with their lives.