@FancyNancyAnn: I hate when I drop my chili cheese dog in my car and then I have to eat my whole car.
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@realHamOnWry: My parents both wear hearing-aids. And I think that's why they're still married...they never turn them on.
@jjhartinger: 1995: [goes to store, video is rented] Maybe next time 2017: [netflix takes 5 mins to load] This is a nightmare
@sarcasticmommy4: Me: It's been a while since we've had to take one of the kids to the ER. Trampoline: Hold my beer.