@Reverend_Scott: I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it's slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
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@myles_morrison: I can tell everything I need to know about your business by the thickness of your bathroom toilet paper.
@mjkspeaks: Accidentally pressed 2 for Spanish and Donald Trump's security team came out of nowhere to deport me.
@Whitnuts: My liver's so black, it went to a respected college, got a great job, and made it's family very proud. Weren't expecting that, huh? Racist.