@Aspersioncast: I hate when I forget to shave then people assume I'm a hippy and start talking about recycling.
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@MartinPilgrim1: A lady got off the train so I finished her crossword. Turns out she'd just gone to the toilet and now she's back and she hates me.
@OneFunnyMummy: Silent Night is my favorite song about my kids staying at their grandparent's house.
@Lisabug74: Like prison, most don't learn the life of crime till locked up. Like twitter, I learned to creep into houses and quietly eat their cheese.