@joeljeffrey: I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
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@jsteele3966: *knocks on woman's washroom* Hello anyone in here? *no one answers* *runs in & lifts up every toilet seat* HAHAHA *runs away giggling*
@PaperWash: [interview at a clothing store] be cool, don't let them know you're a dog "so what color is this dress?" oh you gotta be kidding me
@JessObsess: I just wish I was rich enough to be able to throw all of the pots and pans away after I cook.
@XplodingUnicorn: [looking at an old pic of me and my wife in college] Me: Wow, you used to be hot Wife: *death glare* Me: ...but not as hot as you are now