@joeljeffrey: I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
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@hamspamtymaam: Never reach into a girl's purse. Anything could be inside, a bear could be in there. You just don't know.
@TheToddWilliams: Kid: WAAAHH! MY TOY IS BROKEN!! Dad: Nothing a little duct tape won't fix... Kid: mfflr..frrrr..strnnn
@AaronFullerton: "Your present is too big and weirdly shaped to wrap. Oh! What if I buried it in the yard?!" -me, genuinely, earlier today. Wife said no.