@joeljeffrey: I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
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@dtee83: Wife: Who is the prettiest of my friends? Me: your mother, why? W: Stop acting like you're 12. M: (thinking) I dodged that bullet again.
@envydatropic: If a gym has 75 treadmills, 1 is being used, what do you do? You go home because it's your favorite one being used Math is easy
@LOVELADONNIS: Woman on the plane just asked her crying son "are you gonna be a gangsta or a crybaby" I'm like damn are these the only options?