@joeljeffrey: I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back.
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@Rollinintheseat: Friend: "This is the year I'm going to marry my best friend." Me: "This is the year I'm going to train my dog to come when I call him."
@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
@Rockenden: To the first designer to make skirts so tight that a slit had to be added to the back: Good job. Flip flop guy: Go stand in the corner.
@MrNickNo: That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you're innocent".