@jergarl: I hate when I put my open beer down and forget where I put it and then I find like 7 open beers.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Home_Halfway: Hello everyone, this is your captain speaking. The plane's going down. Look, stop screaming, that's not going to make me a better pilot
@hilaryfairie: I saw a billboard that said, "Be her Romeo" and featured a pic of a diamond ring. Apparently they have not read Shakespeare.
@nerdreign: I earned a masters degree and a doctorate; I have $413.21 in assets. Weird Al Yankovic is worth 11 million. Kids, don't stay in school.