@TheDailySchmuck: I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.
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@TheRolo: And on the 8th day, God almost created Lionel Richie but was all like "Naw, I'll just hold off a few thousand years then one day HELLO!"
@thenatewolf: Detective: someone's been stealing boats, can we look in your basement? Me: I don't have a basement *sound of foghorn from basement*