@TheDailySchmuck: I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.
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@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: Im sorry, I can't see you right now ME: [wearing my new camouflage suit] lol that is so awesome
@iwearaonesie: me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?! Netflix: Because you watched "The Wedding Planner"
@CamusOverEasy: The Blue Tooth in your ear tells me you are expecting an important call. At Walmart. At 8:00 AM. On Sunday. In the snack food aisle. Ma'am.
@StephenBCramer: The bible says you can't buy your way into heaven but there isn't a church in the country that won't encourage you to try.