@lovemyboots111: I hate when I stand on a scale and it starts to cry and begs me to get off
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@murrman5: *shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife.
@OBiiieeee: i thought i heard a dog approaching but it was just some hot girl's keys jingling. i fixed my hair for nothing
@mattZillaaaa: Some people wake up in the morning & are all like "omg I'm the luckiest person in the world" and I wake up all like "oh my god"
@Stabby_smurf: Let's say weed does make me dumber. Then you should be thanking me for levelling the playing field.