@lovemyboots111: I hate when I stand on a scale and it starts to cry and begs me to get off
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@ClamDive: Every episode of my life starts with a short recap and the voice over says "Previously on wasted potential..."
@dafloydsta: [job interview] "Tell me a strength." I'm a decision maker. "Excellent. How about a weakness?" I'm a bad decision maker.
@naughtygeisha3: Men say they love Asian women but every time I fry up a new boyfriend's cat or dog it's like all the appreciation goes out the window.