@lovemyboots111: I hate when I stand on a scale and it starts to cry and begs me to get off
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Ideal_Victoria: I really hope that people are staring at me because they think I'm pretty and not because I slipped on ice and into a parked car.
@dubstep4dads: Me: sorry I rode a giraffe to your grandmas funeral Friend: what? that's not a giraffe Me: sorry I'm on drugs at your grandmas funeral
@Shock_Monster: If your bio says "Producer, entrepreneur, DJ, & businessman" I'm assuming you misspelled "Lives with Mom, works at McDonalds."
@Mr_goose007: If I ever go missing, please put my photo on a Tequila bottle because nobody I know drinks milk.