@MartaEffing: I hate when I take a nap on a park bench and everyone assumes I homeless. People with houses get tired, too.
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@KeetPotato: me: "i taught this chimp to say words" chimp: "nice haircut" reporter: "oh my god.. does he know anything else?" me: "sarcasm apparently"
@SeanEmeny: I treat women well cause I'm a real man. Also, if I'm nice to them maybe they'll come over and kill this spider for me