@TheCatWhisprer: I hate when I think there's an open parking space and then I have to run over a motorcycle.
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@mattZillaaaa: *changes voicemail recording to "your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please check the number and dial again
@awordforaword: I finally got my first interview since moving to the US. Almost able to say something more romantic to the GF than "you're out of batteries"
@apollilaire: i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: "tell me the meaning of life". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box
@chuuew: ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me.