@10InchesPlus: I hate when I toss some cold pizza in the microwave, check Twitter real quick and when I come back I've missed 3 mortgage payments.
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@Amusitr0n: My uncle Terry told me not to worry, that love would find a way, but on the other hand he once took a shit in a hammock
@QwertyJones3: Wife: You're so lucky, I'm like a trophy wife! Me: Wow, I'd hate to see what they gave to the second place guy.
@iwearaonesie: i'll never forget what mom said when dad told her he thinks we're growing up too fast "they're in there daring each other to eat dog food"
@JenAshleyWright: Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.