@Rachrinc: I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
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@BlindChow: [takes e-cig from guy beside me & takes a hit] dude, your e-cig is broken GUY BESIDE ME: give me back my clarinet
@Tommytoughstuff: [I remove my bike helmet, but my toupee comes off with it] "I'm sorry guys, is there something funny about safety?"
@ghostkrogh: [at funeral] My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say- *casket is lowered into the ground* -he was down to earth.