@Wakenbake77: I hate when I'm beating my grandma in Mario Kart and she kicks the controller out my hands.
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@AverageClo: Why do people say "To be frank..." when they're about to be brutally honest? WHAT IF FRANK LIED!? WHAT IF I WANT TO BE MARLENE!?
@EliTerry: The only way to protect ourselves from eagle attacks is of course MORE eagles. Fill our homes with these gentle, knife clawed birds of prey.
@RexHuppke: I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.