@MartaEffing: I hate when I'm cruising in my convertible, hair blowing in the wind, then realize I'm just sitting on my ride-on lawnmower. Drunk. Again.
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@sickipediabot: Adele has announced that she will be singing the theme for the next James Bond film. Diet Another Day will be released in 2014.
@simoncholland: You think you have a pretty strong marriage until you try to help your 5th grader with her math homework together.
@ChipKellysBalls: WebMD is a Choose Your Own Adventure book where every single story ends in malignant cancer