@ninjadinosaur1: I hate when I'm in a room with 3 other people, & I have to shove the entire kit kat in my mouth.
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@peachgrenade: It's ironic that my sitcom about Abraham Lincoln was shot in front of a live audience.
@KalvinMacleod: 911 what's the emergency? "How do u unburn pizza?" U burnt a pizza "Yes" I'll send a squad car "Ok will they help?" No ur under arrest
@ThisOneSayz: Me to Hitman: in the bedroom. He is big. Hitman*pulls gun & enters* where is he? Me: on the wall! Hitman: that's a spider Me: kill it!
@Hadzilla: Halloween '94: Mom says store sold out of Batman costumes and buys me a Catwoman one. Called me Catman. The worst part: she went as Batman?