@KentWGraham: I hate when I’m running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it’s been 4 minutes.
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@jwoodham: There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight, so remember that when they ask how they lost in 2016.
@ewfeez: GENIE: you have found my lamp, so I must grant you four wishes ME: I thought it was three? GENIE: You need four
@caliluvgirl77: Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?