@mrjohntofu: I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
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@onascaleof1210: To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one.
@rolldiggity: "Hey, man, just called to see when you're going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If the Discovery Channel's new show 'Naked And Afraid' isn't about Mormon honeymoons, I'm not interested.