@mrjohntofu: I hate when my camera rings, in the middle of a selfie.
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@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'
@isabelzawtun: I pry open the crab shell but instead of sweet crabmeat I find a tiny, bustling city filled with people who have my face. It tastes terrible
@JessiCanadian: 8 teens in the the garage. I hear the miter saw and drill going. I'm just going to sit back and let Darwin take care of things in there.