@lisaOoOo: I hate when my friends stand so close to me when pictures are being taken. It's like they don't know I plan on cropping them out later.
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@zachheltzel: Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it.
@AlexvanBeek: I'm not saying it's been a while, but, the last time a girl got down on her knees for me, she showed me how to tie my shoelaces.
@VintageBabe1212: Decided to stop partying at friends houses who have toddlers... Those childproof bathroom doorknobs are absolutely hell to open while drunk.
@imadepoopstoday: Walk up to someone drinking coffee and ask them if their coffee tastes different today. Then smile and walk away.