@GingerHotDish: I hate when my kids and I can’t agree on where we are going for Sunday breakfast, but I love that we all agree I’m not making it.
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@Ivsy01: Him: You'll always be the one that got away. Me: Escaped. Him: What? Me: I said Thanks.
@Illuminati_Stop: BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.
@Gre_Gone: Jesus: One among you will betray me. John: No way dude. Matthew: No way dude. Judas: *thumbing through designer cross catalogue* Plausible.
@SteveSuckington: [on a date] I've got butterflies in my stomach "that's so cute. You dont have to be nervous" [flashback to me eating some butterflies] ok