@dxblarssonENG: I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos.
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@Izianikapani: Australia is touted as a great model of gun control but no one mentions our unlimited access to boomerangs.
@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: So, Construction? Him: Yeah M: You nail stuff? With your big hammer? H: M: Like to screw? H: M: Hey! Where are you going?
@ranndrew: [Job Interview] "It says here under skills, that you can eat rice?" *Eats rice with chop sticks* "Holy shit! When can you start?!"
@ThisOneSayz: The person who named the eggplant must have been: a) Colorblind, and b) Totally high