@dxblarssonENG: I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos.
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@jakob_huber: *meets girl for coffee* *sets down blueprints for bank* "What's this?" Your dating profile said you were looking for a partner in crime
@lilnatebigworld: "Wow, that milk is spoiled!" *milk drives by in a fancy car his parents bought him*
@audipenny: [speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens