@dxblarssonENG: I hate when my tattoo guy asks if he can take pics for his website and then I wake up the next day realising I don't have any tattoos.
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@trevso_electric: Between hating pork and launching themselves into enemy structures, Al Qaeda were the original Angry Birds.
@SimplyRetard: "*RING**RING* in the middle Of night! "Hello?" "Hey man are you home?" "No dude i just picked up my house phone from Burger King."
@ericsshadow: My fashion sense has been described as "They probably won't let you in like that" and "Are those your pajamas?"
@MartaEffing: Turns out you have to *tell* a guy you're going out, otherwise you just end up standing on his doorstep wondering why he's in his sweats.