@TheMichaelRock: I hate when my wife says "GO WAIT IN THE CAR" because I'm not sure if she's talking to me or the kids.
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@DraggingFeeties: The hardest part of making new friends is weeding out the people who just want to sell you leggings.
@Parentpains: In Canada, a drive by shooting is just a guy using finger guns while winking at a chick he has no chance with.
@partlyfunny: My wife does this cute thing. She sets her alarm clock an hour before she has to get up and then hits snooze 27 times. It's so adorable.