@TheMichaelRock: I hate when my wife says "GO WAIT IN THE CAR" because I'm not sure if she's talking to me or the kids.
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@dmc1138: Almost done with my screenplay about the end of the world, and only cats survive. I call it "Apocalypse Meow".
@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Whatcha got there? Me: Nothin’. Wife: Why are there crumbs on your face? *holds out hands* Me: I brought you a box of donut.
@Donna_McCoy: Go ahead and share your political views at this office party. We're all friends here. - alcohol
@sarcasticmommy4: My husband texted to let me know he unloaded the dishwasher. Like, ok guy. If I texted every task I did, it’d be a novel. Settle down.