@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when people say "Look at me when I'm talking to you." I mean, c'mon, one inconvenience at a time.
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@TimODee16: Remember when “anyone can grow up to be President” was aspirational, not an existential threat?
@aveuaskew: Tell me I'm beautiful "You're beautiful" Tell me I'm a genius "You're a genius" Tell m- "Just give me the toilet paper, please"
@ibid78: "Ok last interview question. Biggest weakness?" "People say I'm too hospitable." "I see. So should I stop sitting on your lap?" "Your call."
@CM2BTTHD: Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.