@better_off_dad: I hate when people talk down to me like I don’t already know I’m an idiot.
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@timdonakowski: Someone needs to break it to my cat that she is not a security guard and my bathroom is not a VIP section.
@1followernodad: guys: women are a mystery. women: Here is what we- guys: LITERALLY WHAT DO THEY WANT? women: well for start- guys: Guess we'll never know!
@KevinFarzad: Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.