@lovexios: I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: That guy is a bad apple. 6-year-old: He's a person. Me: I just meant he's mean. 6: Probably because you called him an apple.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If I worked in a used record store I would tell every customer "all sales are vinyl" until I was fired. It would be worth it.
@MatCro: GF: I'm leaving you because you're obsessed with Spanish puns and Despicable Me. ME: Please don't go. You're Juan in a minion.
@mstern68: [after first date] Him: I had a great time, I'd love to see you again Her: Yes, we should do this again sometime but with other people