@lovexios: I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old was counting on her fingers in the other room. She finished at 9. I am concerned on so many levels right now.
@HEYWATCHMETWEET: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching.
@MarieColette: Get a hair cut, run away without paying. They can't chase you because they're holding scissors. The perfect crime.
@PaperWash: [ouija board] me: are there any spirits with us? Speak now ouija board: H E L L O F R O M T H E O T H E R S I D E me: ....please stop