@JennyJohnsonHi5: I hate when people think my real name is Jennifer, because it's not, it's Jennitalia.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Mr_Kapowski: Woman: $150 for mice removal?! Me: Yep *dumps box of snakes* Woman: Get them out! Me: $300 snake removal fee *dumps box of mongooses*
@SCbchbum: The directions on every jar of anti-aging cream should read: “Apply liberally to face & neck 20 years ago.”
@nigelgodwin: My mom laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta
@narcoticpanda: *gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"