@titusbb: I hate when someone asks me where I see myself 5 years from now when I don't even remember where the hell I was 2 days ago.
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@jonnysun: "the names bond, james bond" [5 min later] STARBUCKS BARISTA: i gota frappe for borbjorbple
@KalvinMacleod: ME: Raising two kids on my own has been a real struggle. WIFE: I'm only gone for two days. ME: They call me momdad now, which is bittersweet
@taylortomlinson: I like horror movies because it's the only place insanely hot people are treated poorly
@DestineyLynn: *Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall* Well... sounds like a problem for the next person.