@osoplain: I hate when someone sneaks up in front of you when you're scrolling on your phone
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@_sleepysmile: People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating.
@david8hughes: [shipwreck diary] Day 32: a plane flew over last night but I fired the only flare on day 5 to celebrate my first solid shit in over a week
@SaraMansford: A wine tasting? Where people SPIT OUT precious wine?! Sure, maybe we could go to the humane society and watch them put puppies to sleep too.