@greg_vee: I hate when someone steals my idea before I've had it.
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@_eric_alexander: I predict that in the year 2050 the only people who will have tramp stamps will be grandmas. Thus they will be referred to as granny stamps.
@tuckerflodman: [halftime] Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas? -I have one. *pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*
@KentWGraham: “I just ate a vegetarian meal” sounds so much healthier than “I just ate two full sleeves of Oreos.”
@PaperWash: [First day as a private investigator] *Forgets to turn off camera shutter sound *Gets murdered