@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when someone texts me cause then I can't post anything on the internet or they'll know I'm ignoring them.
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@rolldiggity: CASHIER: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" ME: "Oh, yes..." [places "How To Murder A Cashier" book on counter]
@SteveSuckington: [therapy] WIFE: he favors our son over our daughter ME: No way, I love whatsherface just as much as I love Johnny
@Book_Krazy: *Makes bacon *Eats one piece *2 pieces *3 pieces *Eats all the bacon *Hides the evidence 9: Yummm! What's that smell? Me: Cereal