@BeCoco77: I hate when Spotify is down and I have to listen to Apple Music on my 128 GB Rose Gold iPhone 6s Plus like some kind of homeless person
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@stockejock: My mom's favorite part of Mother's Day is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
@TheRealRHB: I'm not saying I've let my house get filthy, but this is the second time I've caught my new Roomba trying to mail itself back to the factory
@Angrea: Someone just told me to "have a blessed day." What do you even say to someone like that? I just hissed at them.