@Marcmywords2: I hate when you go to a surprise party, and all anyone wants to do is talk about your drug problem.
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@paperphotoyo: Being a parent means you have to make gigantic sacrifices like quality sleep and the backs to every remote control in your house.
@rockymomax: [prison] CELLMATE: what are you in for? ME: (actually in jail for jumping a fence to hug a panda) murder
@chelliet22: I heard a noise downstairs, so naturally I came down to investigate in my towel, post-shower. Exactly. I'M the idiot in a slasher film.
@Traceykemp8: If you`re not going to help me break into my ex`s house to delete the hysterical message i left on his answerphone,then you`re not my friend