@Marcmywords2: I hate when you go to a surprise party, and all anyone wants to do is talk about your drug problem.
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@noog: One time I made a snowman and gave him a cucumber nose. Carrot noses are the standard protocol but I'm what u would call a rebel.
@Rollinintheseat: I wonder why nobody told Forrest Gump's mom that all you have to do is flip over the box of chocolates and it tells you what's inside.
@rachel: ladies, if he: - never texts you back - always interjects with unsolicited advice - reads your personal documents - constantly tries to help you format paragraphs - is a sentient paper clip he’s not your man. he’s clippy the microsoft word office assistant
@TheCiscoKidder: My son is at that tender age where he believes me when I say that the dog ate the rest of the cookies out of the pantry.