@boogersincoffee: i hate when you google stuff like 'insidious' it gives you the definition but when you google 'butt' it doesn't. define butt for me damn it
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@Manali_Shetye5: Mom: can i borrow your laptop? Me: *deletes history* Me: *logs out of twitter* Me: *closes chrome* Me: *opens internet explorer* Me: sure
@squirrel74wkgn: Me (answers phone): HELL-o Mom: Hi, honey. Your Dad is trying to change the time on the VCR you bought us in 83 Me: Please leave a message
@bornmiserable: a fun thing to do when someone enters the elevator is to calmly say to them "I was murdered in this very elevator exactly one year ago"
@dankashane20: Why would you chase a waterfall? They don't move to different spots you know. It's pretty much just right there.