@NYC_Blonde: "I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You're wonderful but get away from me" -My love letter to carbs
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@foxxy311: Ladies, don't waste your time picking up guys at Chuck E Cheese. Apparently they have a "family" & a "wife" & I'm "ruining their dinner."
@215potter: Someone just asked me to fax them my email address. Careful driving folks, these people walk amongst us...
@Prof_BrianCocks: "14 years, £20 billion later and my team have finally finished building a Large Hadron Kaleidoscope." "You mean Collider?" "Oh shit!"
@browneyegirl9: My boyfriend asked for a dirty pic last night, I was able to get my whole kitchen in the shot. That should last him a while! He's so weird.