@AnniemuMary: I have 11 pictures of myself from high school. My daughter has 11 pictures of herself from this morning.
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@HallowedCrow: DEAR ENTIRE WORLD: LIGHTENING IS WHAT BLEACH DOES TO HAIR. LIGHTNING IS WHAT I'M GOING TO STRIKE YOU WITH FOR YOUR CRIMES AGAINST SPELLING.
@pondermymaker: Turns out the symptoms for "mild heart attack" are identical to those of "having a RL acquaintance make an appearance in your notifications"
@crunchenhancer: Women are like campfires. Beautiful, hot, smell great, warm your heart. And, both don't like it if you pee on them. Mostly.
@averagegrades: whenever a man says he's well endowed I always hope he means with a grant from the government for his new art project