@AnniemuMary: I have 11 pictures of myself from high school. My daughter has 11 pictures of herself from this morning.
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@TheCatWhisprer: My cat acts pretty tough for someone who disappears for 3 days anytime I sneeze.
@KKAlThani: David Beckham says he will retire at the end of this season, mainly because he ran out of ideas on how to do his next haircut.
@BuckyIsotope: Started to travel back in time to kill Hitler, but then I decided to be more efficient and went back and shot Adam and Eve instead.
@animadvertguy: [Sky-diving] INSTRUCTOR: pull your shute! ME: my shoe? INSTRUCTOR: your parachute! ME: my pair of shoes? [later] CORONER: where's his shoes?