@Fred_Delicious: I have 2020 vision. My eyesight is terrible but I can see precisely 3 years into the future
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@TheToddWilliams: [office party, 1842] Ralph Waldo Emerson: The only gift is a portion of thyself Me: Look Ralph, the rules to Secret Santa were very clear
@desi_princess: I told my boss I'm calling in sick today. He said, "You can't do that when you're already here." Is that true you guys?
@GregHenchman: I wonder if Scarlett Johansson ever fantasizes about fat comic book nerds, or is that just a one-way street?