@Hypercraxy: I have a bumper sticker that says "Honk if you think I'm sexy." Then I just wait at green lights until I feel better about myself.
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@ChickenFrecklez: Rude coworker said something very dumb & mean to me. She blamed it on pregnancy brain. I asked her if she was having triplets.
@themorris23: I wish I was as committed to anything the way infomercial actors are committed to over dramatizing their reaction to household chores.
@mrtruthandsoul: Reporter: How do you feel that your proposal was turned down by Congress? Obama: Well, I've alw-- Biden: [grabs mic] TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT?
@WilliamAder: As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it's a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?