@TheCiscoKidder: I have a dog to make sure that the noises in the middle of the night are nothing serious and I have a cat to make those noises.
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@WesTheFatKid: Pro tip: "Hold my drink" is not a proper response to "License and registration, please." ...... apparently.
@patcasey72: Seriously, ladies. If you just stop sleeping with douchebags eventually their species will go extinct. Look at the big picture here.
@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.
@deardilettante: Him: why doesn't anyone want me? Me: I want you. Him: why doesn't anyone else want me?